Okay, so sorry but I am starting this blog off on a somewhat dreary note.

I am going to blog about something that I didn't want many people to know. Scott says I should just tell people. He is not very good at keeping secrets anyway! But I think I was trying to keep it to myself as much as possible so I didn't have to face it. The less it is talked about it, the easier it is for me to forget that it is happening.

So, some of you know that I was pregnant back in the fall and that I suffered a miscarriage. Well, well.............I got pregnant immediately after the miscarriage. I mean like 2 weeks after. We weren't really trying to get pregnant on the first try. We were just thinking that it couldn't happen so soon anyways, so why worry about birth control. The middle of December, I took a good ole' home pregnancy test and sure enough I was pregnant. My first "pregnancy" appointment was scheduled for January 3rd. I was excited for the day to come because I knew they were going to do an ultrasound at this appointment. And after what happened with the previous pregnancy, I was anxious to see a picture of the baby, just for self-assurance.

I went in to the doctor that day, extremely nervous! The doctor came in and started the ultrasound. There was this long moment of silence while she was angling the probe every which way. It was one of those times that you want to just yell "Tell me what is going on." Finally, she spoke. She tells me she thinks I have what is called a Molar pregnancy. I think my heart just dropped to my stomach. Even though I had no clue what a molar pregnancy was, I knew it wasn't good.

*Pause. A molar pregnancy is when sperm fertilizes an empty egg or two sperm fertilize the same egg. Overall, there is either not enough chromosomes or way too many chromosomes to become a fetus. It just becomes placenta-like tissue and grows and grows. Unpause.*

So, I go talk to her in her office after she consulted with my other doctor. That day was a nightmare. While I was in her office, she scheduled me for a D & C for that afternoon at the hospital. Scott rushed to the doctor's office and took me over to the hospital so they could prep me for the procedure. Everything went good, just like it should. Afterwards, I wasn't in much pain at all. Nothing like when I had the miscarriage.

The plan then was to visit the doctor every week and get blood drawn to make sure my "levels" (beta HcG) dropped. So, that's what I did for three weeks. Then, with my string of bad luck (that obviously was still hanging on) my levels jumped up. That means "it" was growing again. "It" meaning the molar tissue. Within three days, I was back to the doctor's for more bloodwork, had a chest x-ray, more bloodwork at the hospital, and a FULL body CT scan. Thank the Lord, all my tests came back good! See, when "it" grows it can metasize to other parts of your body with tumors in your lungs, brain and anywhere in your abdomen it feels like making home. Yeah, kinda scary.

I can now say I have TWO AWESOME gynecologists. Dr. Segal and Dr. Munro both are the best. They both showed some much sympathy for what I had experienced thus far. I think I had Dr. Munro almost crying with me when she was filling out my paperwork for my D & C.

Back to the story: So, Dr. Segal called two of his friends that were GYN oncologists, one at Duke and one at Chapel Hill. They both said the molar pregnancy has now become Gestational Trophoblastic Disease. The treatment: a chemo drug called Methotrexate.

I went to visit one of the GYN oncologists that Dr. Segal spoke with. He goes through my history and medical records, asking me questions about what happened. He tells me the game plan. I will get injections of methotrexate once a week until my levels get to normal. Then he will give me an additional dose to knock it while it's down. Then I will come back every month for bloodwork to make sure my levels do not rise again. Now, this methotrexate only has a 60% cure rate, but it is a mild chemo. I am not going to lose my hair. There is another chemo that has an 80% cure rate, but it would make me lose my hair by the 1st/2nd treatment. Yeah, no thanks. Not right now. Sorry, if that sounds selfish or petty. If I had no hair with the ears I've got, I would be inducted into the Dumbo Hall of Fame.

So, now I am in week 6 of my treatments. And my levels are just being plain stubborn. They just don't wanna go down. Two treatments ago, we were hoping it was going to be the last, and again last week, even the doctor was thinking the last one. But NOPE! So, maybe next week. The hardest thing is knowing that once my levels are normal, I have to go every month for 12 months getting bloodwork. I am going to be a nervous wreck every time, just waiting for the doctor to call and say everything is normal. Or if the call is going to be the one that he says this chemo didn't work. Then, we will have to try option 2, the other chemo drug. And if that happens, I will be looking for a wig, even if it is pink!

That is the craziness of the last few months of my life. On top of this, I am in my LAST semester of school and cannot wait to graduate. Some days, I am so dagum tired I don't know how I will make it through the day. I definitely have to say a HUGE thank you to my husband. I have no idea how I would have been able to go through this and keep up with our house, our family, school and work. He has picked up my slack tremendously! So, darlin': "THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU!"

I promise my next post will be a happy one. It will probably be about Tanner, so of course it will be happy! He is such a silly boy! I thank God every single day for him. He is truly a blessing to me and Scott!